Category Archives: Confession

Have fun go…?

Hi there!

I don’t know what I’m going to tell you about now.. hmm let’s just try free writing, shall we?

Ever ask yourself this: “do you feel guilty by killing many mosquitoes?” I did ask myself and I’m not really feel guilty about it. No. I don’t feel guilty. For me, guilt is not a feeling. It’s an illusion. Illusion to trap oneself in a low mood.

So what is “sorry”? It’s like a justification that oneself who says sorry is wrong. You can feel satisfy after someone said you are forgiven, can’t you? Why are you feeling sorry? Sorry is a feeling? What are you sorry for? The point is I can’t understand english words. Hahahaha.

I wonder about all the ‘what if’ I have, people have, people hope, people want. I’m listening to Ipang’s Sahabat Kecil now and remembering about my good old days on high school. Some people may say that my high school life is quite bitter, for such things can only be measured by myself, and I definitely say it was splendid. haha. What I did yesterday lead me here. Everything is the reason why I’m here now. Even all of my depressed (read: alay dan galau) blog posts also build who I am now.

Shifting. Step to the left. Look. Choose. Vote. And step to the left again. Repeat.

It is seriously funny to read all of my rant here in my blog.. hihihi

Ah… What do I know? What do I know about the past? What do I know about the future? I don’t want to predict, I don’t want to assume.. I want to let it flow. But I’m not going to let myself be flown away.

Sweet memories… Sweet days…

Luminosa: The Magnificent Colors by TPB FSRD ITB 2012.

“TPB FSRD 2012 siap mempersembahkan warna warna memesona
The magnificent colors!
Saturday at PlaWid
Come see us! Come see us!
Come join us! Come join us!
Uh-huh~ Uh-huh~
Oh yeaaah~ Oh yeaaah~”

Funny to realize that all the grudges I had from that days become too good to be called as grudges. “Ah, I can’t finish this. I can’t finish that. I can’t think clearly right now. I can’t do this. I can’t do that” that’s bullshit. By all the things I’ve learnt from this event, all those “can’t” disappeared. After this, there goes “I want this.. I want that. I want to do this. I want to try that. I want. I want.”

Funny to remember all the blunder. Funny to remember all the foolishness. Funny to recall all the foolish, absurd, whatever you called it, conversations. Funny to recall allllllll the things we did together as TPB FSRD ITB 2012. Funny to recall all the things seniors taught me and I’m too fool to understand that day. Funny to feel that everything is funny now.

By the way I see it, everything is fun. I’d say thank you verrrrrrry muccccccch for alllll the fun. Happy! Happy! Happy! *put my happy face here*

This is just a beginning to our journey, guys and gals. Let’s cherish the memories and build more fun future togethaaaa~ *a la Voldy and Harry Potty falling together’s style* hihihi xD

Anyway, still. Funny to think that there’s someone whom I thought knew my advanced course contract. Funny to remember all the funny moments. Funny to always questioning why all those boys have better hair than me. Funny to make fun of myself. Funny to have a crush on someone’s hair. Only the hair. hahahaha. (sumfeh kenapa rambutnya bagus banget sih argh) Funny to type all this in English rather than bahasa. Funny to write my feeling this way. Oh, funny to remember that the right word is “memesona”, not “mempesona” but I yelled “mempesona” aaall the way when arak-arakan. Well..

Have the most fun of yourself!



(Berlagak) serius…awalnya. Belakangnya sih…

Hari ini adalah hari peringatan kelahiran Babeh Saya.

Sedari tadi Saya sibuk merangkai kalimat untuk mengungkapkan perasaan Saya. Tapi sedari tadi pula kalimat-kalimat yang sudah Saya ketik itu Saya hapus. Sebenarnya Saya ingin ngomong langsung. Ya tapi Saya takut kalau nanti Saya langsung mewek. 

“Hari kelahiran itu ada bukan untuk dirayain. Tapi kalo kamu sadar, hari kelahiran itu ada untuk disyukuri.”

Inti dari apa yang mau Saya bilang ke Babeh (juga my mom) di hari kelahiran Babeh hari ini tuh ada dua. Maaf dan terimakasih.

Maaf selalu ngerepotin selama ini. Maaf selalu nyusahin. Maaf masih belum bisa mandiri. Maaf sudah bikin marah. Maaf sudah bikin khawatir. Maaf sudah bikin sedih. Maaf masih ngga tau diri. Maaf belum bisa bikin bapak ibu bangga. Maaf. Maaf ya Mom, Beh.

Makasih udah ngenalin aku sama buku dari aku kecil. Makasih udah selalu sabar ngadepin aku ye Mom, Beh. Makasih ye Mom, Beh ngga pernah marah sama aku dan Masiwit. Makasih Mom, Beh selalu ngedukung aku. Makasih Mom, Beh selalu bisa jadi Doraemon buat aku. Makasih ya Mom, Beh. Makasih udah jadi ibu dan bapak yang super baik buat aku.

“Don’t count your age by years. Count it by achievement you’ve made.” -(alm.) Mbah Kakung, Babehnya Babeh.

Yayaya pada bingung kan? Saya emang manggil ibu saya “Mom” dan bapak saya “Beh”. Hahaha. Perpaduan yang ngga biasa, memang.




Oke, stop disini (sok) serius dan (sok) mellow nya. (Padahal beneran mewek sambil ngetik ini. halah.)


“Emang Bapak pernah marah-marah? Engga, kan? Bapak kan cuma minta kamu rajin sholat. Itu aja.”


Babeh Saya udah 54 tahun hidup di dunia. Kata orang, Babeh Saya itu kerja dari Senin sampe Senin ngga tau istirahat. Kata Saya, Babeh Saya itu Babeh ter-oke sepanjang masa (yaiyalah ortu sendiri gitu loh). Demokratis. Tenang. Selow.


“Tiap keluarga itu punya peraturan dan kebiasaan sendiri-sendiri. Feel-nya bakal beda buat tiap-tiap orang yang ‘masuk’ ke ‘area’ keluarga lain.”


Makin ngelantur ni entri jadinya. Bahasa pun berubah jadi informal gini nih. Dan entri ini pun jadi kehilangan setengah feel (sok) serius dan (sok) mellow nya. hahaha. Kebiasaan Saya yang suka ngelantur nih. Maklum dulu yah. Masih adaptasi. Halah. Hahaha.

Much Love,



“Over anything, family always comes first.”

The term about what?

I love you without knowing you, or when, or from where. I love you simply and ordinarily, without problems or pride. I love in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving – @widzflyaway

Yes, the term of “I love you but I’m not in love with you” is, for me, true.

At least that’s what happen between me and the man in my blog header. lol.